"I won't be talked to like that! Not by a child!"
Kathrine felt deeply offended and turned her face away from Bjørn-Yngve with a sour scowl. Then, strangely enough she turns to Helene.
"By the way, I'm a surgeon at the hospital now. I save lives every day!"
As if that had any relevance to anything at all! As if that would be her saving grace! Helene didn't say anything, she just gave her a nod. She was proud of her sister for being a high ranking medical professional, it made the family look good, but.. eh, this was weird. It shifted the focus a little bit away from all the pain, sort of, so it wasn't entirely unwelcome. Everything was out of place now anyway, so a little more weirdness here and there... what difference did it make..
Then suddenly Knut, who was terrified of Helene snarling at him
earlier, turned to anger as he began to lash out at Helene, comparing
her to a llama..
"How can you spit in my face like
that!?"
"Really!? Was I spitting in your face!? What were you doing then, huh!?" Helene couldn't believe the nerve he had after everything he had done. "You've got no right to even... you need to back off. You're not a part of this family anymore!" And just like that, after having delivered what she thought was the definitive mic drop, she turned to her sister as if Knut was something that no longer existed, for a more mundane conversation about books..
This man would no longer get the best, nor the worst of her. He couldn't. She had to tell herself he wasn't there, he was invisible, silent, not seen, not heard... she had to find herself again, talk about what mattered to her now. Books, reading, and writing...
Knut looks at his now ex-wife with a puzzled expression on his
face.. how can she just.. go from this raging animal to... talking
about books like nothing had happened? How can she switch like that?
What the..!? And why isn't she angry with Kathrine? She is just as
responsible as he is, he thought.. this doesn't make sense.. how can
she be so.. cold? Doesn't she care about me at all
now..?
"What is wrong with you!?" Knut was suddenly snapped out of his thoughts by his sons voice shouting at him. "You can't talk to mom like that! You're so fucking... you're so... you're such an asshole!"
Helene notices her son snapping at his father, but she can't deal
with this anymore. She is much to tired, to exhausted. She can only
feel a deep, persistent tiredness in her legs, her
nec0,k and behind her eyes. She trudges over to the couch and sits down
heavily next to Anton.
"This has been such a weird day..." she begins. She
doesn't know what would be the right thing to say now, but she has to
say something... what should have been a festive event, the boys
birthday, has been completely ruined. His family has been ruined, and
he has both seen and heard everything. She doesn't know how much he
has understood of all this chaos.. but she has to say
something..
"Some
of the adults have been... really rude guests. Holly... and aunt
Kathrine too.. this wasn't how your birthday was supposed to be.."
she sighs softly.
"It has been quite embarrassing, with everything that happened.." she continues. She couldn't sugar coat it to him she thought, since he had been there the whole time and seen excactly how bad it was, so she had to be honest.. and she was, this was an embarrassment. A terrible, horrible, embarrassment... it was as true as it could be.. but at the same time it was much, much bigger than that....much bigger than just an embarrassment.. but he is still just a child, so she can't be to honest... atleast not with everything all at once..
"So is daddy gonna find a new home?"
But there it was.. an honest question. Childlike and brutal... Yes, probably. She was certain all hope was lost at this point, but she couldn't make her say it... She turned to the wallpaper for a while, as if it had an answer.
"Not yet" she whispered to the wall before turning to him again. "It's been a long day and I'm getting tired.. you must be too..."
"Me and daddy we've got
a... we've got a surprise upstairs for you. I.. we.. meant to show it
to you earlier, but.."
Anton looks at her. A surprise
upstairs? What could that be? A room full of toys? Of cake? Or video
games? It couldn't be a treehouse, because that would be outside..
but a treehouse would've been good to have right now. A place of his
own, a safe little fort, where no adults would be
allowed...
"..anyway.." Helene continued. "It's..
a room that will be all yours. A new bed and a bookshelf.. if you
want, I can show it to you.."
Meanwhile Knut was completely left behind, all alone, when it finally dawned on him that his actions indeed came with consequences... this was truely the end of it all. Now he was nothing, a man without a family, a man without a home... Helene hates him, his children hates him, Holly hates him, Kathrine hates him, everybody hates him... why is he even here? He shouldn't be.. he shouldn't... be...
Kathrine
wasn't feeling to good either. For whatever reason she had taken a
quick detour into the bathroom to put on her swim wear.. if she was
gonna act like a slut, she thought, she might as well just dress like
one too.. and show everyone what kind of person she really
is..
Ranveig looks at her with concern and confusion... from
this perspective, it doesn't make any sense. Yet, possibly, it makes
way to much sense.. this is excactly what she used to do before
seeking treatment. Giving in to the random impulses, the voices,
commanding her to put on her swim wear because it was necessary.
Because it was the right thing to do, because if she didn't, they
would get her.. is this whats going on with Kathrine right now?
No,
it can't be, she had never heard of anything like that from her
family before.. if it is, they've been really good at hiding it.. but
no, it can't be, this has to be something else...
Eventually Knut managed to come to his senses
again just enough to seek out the one person right now who he hoped
didn't hate him.. his mother, Eirin.
"Mom..." he
says with a low voice, almost inaudibly. "I think I have done
something terrible..."
Eirn looks at him. He is her son,
and she loves him, but.. he is right. He has done something terrible.
Yet she feels, in this situation, that he is need of some support.
Everyone here is.. Helene, the kids.
"I know, son."
she says. "And I... I can only be honest with you. I think you
need to.. to lay low and keep your distance for a while..."
Eirin does her best to give him a smile, a smile that she hopes will
feel atleast a little bit encouraging. "..and then with time..
you'll never be a family like you were before again, but.. it will
get better. You'll get to see the kids and.."
Eirin does her
best to try and continue to hold on to her smile, to not let it show
how she feels. "..and you can always.. Me, and your father.. if
you need anything, if the kids need anything... we will be
there..."
The promise of a new room made Anton feel as excited as he could be in this situation. It wouldn't be a treehouse, but it would be a place of his own, a private hideout where angry shouting adults would NOT be allowed! NOT! Maybe his brother could be allowed to enter, if he behaved. And mom, right now, to read him a bedtime story so that he could fall asleep...
...and feel loved, which he so desperately needed right now. A loving adult may be allowed to enter.. may be..
Ideally Helene would have wanted his room to be bigger,
more filled with toys and fun things. She wanted to make that promise
to him, and she would have.. but the future right now seemed to
uncertain. Knut would have to move out of the house, and with him an
important source of income would go away too...
She couldn't tell this to Anton, she had to put on a happy face
while reading him a story from a different time, a different place. A
place where everyone is a friend to anyone, where the sun is always
shining, neighbours invite each other for dinner and the kids have
all the love and toys and happy books in the world...
And maybe with time it could be just like that..
again. Maybe with time it wouldn't be so bad.. maybe, she stood there
thinking while listening to Anton trying to find his position in the
bed to go to sleep..
..but he couldn't find it. He was much to restless. Even if he had his own room now, the rest of the house.. it didn't feel like a home anymore. Mommy didn't love daddy anymore. Daddy didn't love mommy anymore. Didn't daddy love him anymore? What would happen to daddy now? Where would he go? Would he get married to someone else? Would he be gone forever? Would he need to get a new dad? He didn't want a new dad! He wanted his dad! The only one!
Helene couldn't make that
promise either. Could she forgive him? Not now. Maybe some time in
the future, but not now. She didn't know what would happen next, or
what to tell Anton... but she had to make the promise that his daddy
would not be out of his life, and he wouldn't be gone. He would get
to visit daddy.. he would get his own room there, with more toys. And
a bookshelf.
He would get
not just one room, but two. And a treehouse. Yes, daddy would most
definitely get him a treehouse. With all these rooms, the toys, the
books.. and the treehouse... he would be much luckier than the other
kids that only had one room and only half the toys. Helene knew this
wasn't true, but what could she tell him...
..what could she tell him. And then came the question she couldn't answer. Would they get married again? Or would she marry someone else? Would everybody be happy then? Would he ever get married?
A question much easier to answer. Of course he would get married! He would start school soon, make lots of new friends. And he would get a treehouse,. And it would be for children only, guaranteed!
"Now promise me you will try and go to sleep" she told him. "We could all need some rest now.."
"I'm gonna ask grandpa to read me a story." Anton said, "I don't want to sleep without hearing another one."
"Sounds like a good idea. I'm sure he will. I'll go find him for you." Helene said, before leaving the room to find her father..
..which is when his cousin Ingrid, who had snuck into the room without them noticing, decided this a perfect opportunity to take a nap on his bed. So rude.. adults would definately not be allowed in this room! Unless they read him a bedtime story!
"This is MY bed! You need to get out!"
Ingrid eventually left, and both grandma and grandpa entered the room. Grandma being in there was cozy, but it was grandpas attention he wanted.. but unfortunately grandpa was to easily distracted by grandmas presence and forgot to read him a story..
Downstairs Helene broke the silence by complaining to Knut about
how exhausting this day has been. For the sake of the kids she wanted
to maintain some kind of bridge between them.. but it was to soon.
The words came out all wrong and sounded like yet another attack,
placing the blame for everything on Knut once more, and he didn't
want to hear it...
"Look! This isn't about me or you anymore!" she shouted at him. She knew that shouting was a bad idea, but that's just how it all came out.
"Then what the hell do you want!?" he shouted back. "We're through! Just like YOU said!"
"It's about the kids, you fucking jerk!"
"The kids!? Bah.. if you would've thought about the kids, you
wouldn't have.."
"I wouldn't have what!? What
is it that I wouldn't have done!?"
"You know exactly what! You never cared about the kids! You never cared about me! You only cared about yourself! Yes, that's right! You selfish fucking cunt! It was always all about YOU! What the neighbours thought! How much money we made! How much money I made! So that you could sit at home playing video games all day while pretending to be an author and an artist, then walk around town bragging to everyone and everything about how wealthy we are! Well here's the truth for you! Nobody ever gave a SHIT about any of that! You need to get a GRIP, Helene! Get a grip and face the truth!"
Helene stood back and gasped in horror. She could not believe..
that wasn't true! That was not true! She cared about the kids! She
even cared about him! Or used to! She was not.. that! What he
said she was! As if she wasn't already humiliated enough... having
him shout all that about her, with guests still present!
She didn't want to be in this room anymore. She just wanted to curl up in bed and... disappear. She couldn't feel her feet anymore, they just walked. The sounds in the room, the music from the stereo, it was all just a blur as she somehow drifted towards the stairs and towards their bedroom. Her bedroom, or somebodys bedroom...
Knut followed her and wanted to apologize. He meant what
he said, but the words came out to harshly. It was much to raw, to
abrasive. But she didn't hear him, didn't see him. She just wanted to
curl up in bed, between the sheets, and make everything disappear.
Everything. Gone.
Gone.
This party was definately over.. there was only one thing he could do now. Do his best to put on a straight face, thank everyone for coming and say goodbye to the guests..
With everyone now on their way home, and Helene and the kids upstairs and asleep, the house was finally quiet.. much to quiet. Dead silent, cold and empty. Even the ghosts at the graveyard across the street didn't make a sound. It was as if the world had stopped and everything was frozen. He couldn't go back upstairs to sleep in their bed.. in Helenes bed. This house that used to be his home.. it didn't feel welcoming anymore. He considered for a second to go to sleep on one of the benches on the graveyard, or on the floor inside the tomb in case it would be raining..
..but decided to risk it and go for the couch. Hoping he could wake up and be out of the house before Helene got out of bed again...
Good night...
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Ending notes:
Yeah, this birthday party did not go as I
envisioned before pressing play.. and I don't know what's gonna happen
next. Ideally I would hope that the parents can square it out and
somehow find a way to continue to live together as one family, but.. I
have my doubts because this looked really ugly and either way, I don't
think I can make any... promises...
Past the graveyard after dark
Love is listening
For the good inside a heart
Of no, no, no
Promises
Of no, no, no
Promises
Love is infinite
Pretty flowers and diamond rings
Love feels permanent
When the wedding singer sings
Of no, no, no
Promises
Of no, no, no
Promises
Soon he's fast asleep
While you're lying there awake
And you're Googling lawyers
On your lunch break
Oh, no, no, no
Promises
Oh, no, no, no
Promises
God, I would love for this all to work out
But hey, no promises
Oh, no, no, no
Hope the roof holds
When the house begins to shake
Hope there's always arms to catch you
When the branches break
God, I would love for this all to work out
But hey, no promises
Oh, no, no, no
Promises
Oh, no, no, no
Promises
God, I would love for this all to work out
But hey, no promises
William Fitzsimmons - "No Promises"
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